Surrendering to change has been one of the toughest lessons for me as I’ve navigated the world of addiction recovery alongside my man. I’ve mentioned before that it’s no coincidence that the 12 steps of AA & NA are referred to as “a design for living”. Being a part of these programs, even peripherally, I’ve gained tools and perspective for achieving my own happiness in life. I’ve discovered that often, to be able to truly allow the happy, we have to walk through the sad.
I know that you who have walked this road will understand. We remember all too clearly the pain and struggle of our addicts in their disease, the difficulties of rehab and family therapy; the trials of re-building a life from the ashes. Had we not trudged that dark road, we would not truly appreciate the sunlight that we now know.
In the spirit of moving through the heartbreak to reach the healing, I share with you my notes on the end of a friendship with love and the hope that it may help you along your own journey.
It seems like we’ve been friends forever. I couldn’t tell you when we met, or how we became so close, it just happened. Those friendships are always the best, the ones that just are. For years we have spent summers and holidays together filled with laughter and fun no matter what was going on in our lives. When we were broke, we laughed at home. When were richer, we laughed on airplanes and in restaurants.
I know I could call in the middle of the night and you would be there, and you know the same to be true of us. We’re cool like that. Well, we were cool like that.
Something has changed. I never saw it coming, but here it is. It’s as though I woke up one day and all was different. I know that can’t be true, because we see each other all the time, but it’s no longer the same. We still share a joke and a hug now and then, but the bond has somehow evaporated. It’s superficial now, an act almost. And just like I have no idea how and when we began, I can’t say how or when it ended, but I’m suddenly very aware that it has.
We still extend invitations to you, but they are always declined. It’s no longer a given that we will spend weekends and holidays together. There were no cross words, no life-altering incidents occurred—it’s just over.
Life is like that, I know. All good things come to an end eventually. And while I’m sad and a bit confused about this ending, I can’t help but smile when I think of the times we shared. Our lives are so much richer for having shared them with you.
“Thanks for the memories” seems a trite thing to say, but we really mean it.